Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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