I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
