She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
did i walk over a car last night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
