this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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