I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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