i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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