I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
