i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
