I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
