dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
