Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
