don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
