If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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