Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
