when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
