Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
