You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
