You're so nebulous sometimes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
