If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
how does that bad decision feel?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
