It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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