I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
