Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
