i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
