That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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