why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
