He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
