no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
