I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
