i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
