my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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