You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
