I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
