He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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