So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
