This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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