I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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