i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
