I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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