We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
