Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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