the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
