In the future we'll all be gay
Your tits are I can't wait for
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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