There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
