I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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