Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She announced her abortion via fbk
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
