i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
operation have a gay friend backfired
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
