She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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