Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
