I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
