He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
