Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
